A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
be right there i have to get my cape
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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