u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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