im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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