is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
