Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
