just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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