omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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