do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
