the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
