Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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