I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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