If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
