I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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