I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
