my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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