Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
kristin has been a bad kristin
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize