ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
