was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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