i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
