My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
