her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
