I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
