im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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