LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
