Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
