I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
