obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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