I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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