The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
