just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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