You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
