it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
