Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
