Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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