I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
