So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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