what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
