Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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