They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
