my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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