You just made me feel so damn special
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
