3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Your cock deserves a montage
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
