Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
