she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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