Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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