i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How does one acquire holy water?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
