Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Mom said you looked used
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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