Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
