How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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