I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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