I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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