Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
