Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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