using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
