You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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