No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
