We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
