my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
how does that bad decision feel?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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