It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
