She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
