You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
