i don't like sucking hair
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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