she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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