Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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