Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
