I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
