I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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